I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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