awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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