I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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