guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
