How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
