I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
