Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
