i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
