Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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