Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
