I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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