I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
