dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
