go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
