I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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