my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
