Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
