she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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