Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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