my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
two words...techno handjob
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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