my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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