I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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