I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
