Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
