I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
