I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
