Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
