Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize