so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
