Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just had sex on a roof
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
