eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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