bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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