He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
