she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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