Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize