Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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