Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
