I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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