I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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