there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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