A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
