I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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