I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
being pregnant is like rehab
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
