dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
