It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
