We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
