gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
