It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
