sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
