well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
