he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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