my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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