just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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