she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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