I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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