the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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