so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
