That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
