My first STD was from a foam party
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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