Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
