Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
