brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
