Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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