You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
