mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
