After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
