You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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