there's paper in my vomit.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
