come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
