i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
