If i come over, it means nothing
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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