That's when you crack a 10am beer
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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