i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
