dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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