The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
