I want to make a zoo with you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
