today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want nice things and good sex
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
